I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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