So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
