just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
