I'm pants shitting drunk right now
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
