NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
How external is "for external use only"?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
