it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
