; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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