I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
