I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
