He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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