I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
