bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
