Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
