I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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