Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
