dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
