I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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