i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
