There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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