Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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