At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
