I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
