I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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