This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Mom said you looked used
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
