She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Boobs are out for the taking
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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