If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
