i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
