I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
