im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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