You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
