nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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