you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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