That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
