do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
