I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
