I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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