She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
