Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
