its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize