1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
