I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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