You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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