I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
