Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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