I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
