Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
