he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
