Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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