Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
