just tell him i said nine months
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
