If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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