it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
