her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Sober January is a disaster.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
