Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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