I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
